too bad you live with your parents still
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
