I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
