In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
