dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
