Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Congratulations! We have a period
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
