Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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