Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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