I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I understand Curling. That high.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
