erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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