she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
