Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
