So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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