omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
