you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
