I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
