remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
