I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
