It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
this boner is exhausting
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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