I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
another moral hangover. fuck.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
