I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
