how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
