I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
