he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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