the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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