we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
