I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
