My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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