Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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