i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
there's paper in my vomit.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
