YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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