How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
