Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
