We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
