The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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