What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
