my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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