he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
