You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
