i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
