I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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