im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
