1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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