so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
