Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
