Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
