She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
