If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
