remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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