You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I have already put on my inside pants.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
