This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
