We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
